I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
