I love black thongs
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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