you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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