The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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