Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
