You really coming over, don't trick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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