Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
