i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
