I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
