That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jerry, you need to find god
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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