i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
