There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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