WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
