Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
