I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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