I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
