i think my mom watched the whole time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
