Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
