3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
