So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
