I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
