im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
