Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
