dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
