An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
