I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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