1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna bring you to show and tell
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
