Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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