My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
