you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
