I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
