Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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