I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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