im about as happy as oj after his trial
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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