I hate all girls vehemently.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
