i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
