So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
