he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
