You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
