Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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