Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
