last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
