she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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