Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
