i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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