of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
