i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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