Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
