somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
