I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
