I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
