Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
