??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
