you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
