i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
