Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
