I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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