There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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