Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
