You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
