So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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