made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
