i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
