I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
NoShamevember. You game?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
