She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
