That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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