I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
