I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
